Especially in our closest and most important relationships, conflict has the potential to become volatile and cause severe, lasting damage. But in Christ, our conflict has the potential to display the grace of God and actually strengthen the relationship. This redemptive fruit is not automatic, though. We must depend on God to help us approach conflict in a new way that is so opposite from the natural bent of our flesh. While navigating conflict in this new way is a complex matter, I would sum it up in two key strategies: love and listen.
LOVE | Be committed to unity. Love doesn’t keep score or manipulate. Try to approach conflict with a cooperative, rather than competitive, attitude. You’re on the same team; you’re sitting on the same side of the table. Let your communication be characterized by humility and selflessness. Love and honor each other as people created in God’s image and given value by Him.
LISTEN | Usually in conflict, you will find a clashing of perspectives and desires. Each person is coming at it from a different angle and is interpreting things according to their own interests and experiences. And each party views one particular aspect as the most important consideration or most pressing concern. So be grace-centered in your approach by seeking to understand each person’s point of view and interests. Rather than assuming you know how the other thinks and feels, ask clarifying questions with a desire to truly understand their heart. Then respond with empathy and compassion. Lay down arms, seek God, and work together to reach a wise solution that honors God above all.
Doing conflict from a place of love and grace is hard. We won’t always get it right; we will often hurt those we love. But we can cultivate a pattern of humble confession and merciful forgiveness, and keep moving forward together as we learn a redemptive way to walk through conflict.
* My perspective has been influenced by Ken Sande’s book Peacemaking for Families. I highly recommend it as a valuable resource for understanding communication and conflict in relationships.
Each of us are being shaped and guided by particular beliefs, desires, and allegiances that set our lives on a trajectory. Yet often we get so busy living life that we don’t take time to really consider how we are living and what we are pursuing. But God has a specific design for how we have been created to live before Him – walking in wisdom.
Proverbs 9:10 tells us, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” So this wisdom life that God has called us to must be rooted in the fear of the Lord. Nothing else is a steady foundation, and no other posture is conducive to growing in true wisdom. What does it mean to fear the Lord? It’s a matter of the heart – our posture and allegiance – that flows from a right view of God as holy and exalted. Fear of the Lord looks like worship, surrender, obedience, trust and love.
The life of walking in wisdom embraces and is marked by humility. This means we trust that God’s ways are best, even when they are hard or don’t make sense. Humility is dependent on God, rather than being self-reliant. We look to His character, purposes and design as our source for discerning what is right and best. We also seek to have an accurate awareness of our weaknesses and temptations. As we learn to walk in humility, we receive correction and are willing to confess and repent in submission to our Good King.
Scripture teaches us the life-giving value of wisdom, and insists that it must be intentionally pursued. So what does that pursuit look like?
- Wisdom’s reach is extensive, so we should shine the light of Scripture into every area of our life.
- We can invite correction, input, and accountability from other believers.
- Wisdom grows as we take time to process and reflect on our experiences and the responses of our heart. If we stay in survival mode or fill our lives so full that we’re never still, there won’t be an opportunity for growth.
- We must remember that wisdom is not just about behavior and choices, but heart change and being shaped into the image of God. With this perspective, we can seek out the root and pray for God to change us as we follow Him.
Let us move forward in pursuit of the life God created us for, growing in wisdom as we follow Him in joyful, humble obedience.