Learning to Lament: Grieving in Community

There is much beauty in personal lament as we connect one-on-one with our Father. We need that intimate kind of lament. But God has designed the church as a family, so there is also great fruit in practicing lament in the context of community. Sometimes we are all facing the same loss or hardship, and grieving together strengthens the entire Body as we point one another to the Lord and collectively root ourselves in truth. The shared experience of honest, raw lament can bring healing and unity to the whole community. Difficulty has a tendency to lead us to turn inward and deal with the pain alone, so it takes intentional effort to see each other, engage, and walk through grief together. 

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

—Romans 12:15, ESV

The more common occurrence is for an individual, family or group within the Body to go through seasons of unique suffering. We may struggle to know what to say or how to help, since there’s usually not much we can actively do to change the situation. But lament praying can be a helpful tool to connect with those who are suffering, letting them know they are seen and loved. Through lament, we can enter into the pain of others—growing in understanding and empathy through listening, calling out to God on their behalf, and standing with them in solidarity. As members together of the same Body, what happens to one person impacts all of us. 

If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 

—1 Corinthians 12:26, ESV

As we come close to the suffering and sit with them in the pain, a gift we can offer is to pray for them (and with them if they’re willing), crying out on their behalf when they feel too broken to put words together. And as we think about coming alongside those who are suffering to lament with and for them, we know that times will come when we are the ones who need to invite others into our pain and lean on them. 

Another type of lament that can be done in community is corporate repentance. This practice doesn’t seem to be very common in American churches today, but we see many examples in Scripture (such as Nehemiah 1:1-11 and 9; Daniel 9:3-19; Ezra 9:6-10:1). Whether it’s the whole church Body praying together, or the pastors leading, coming together to confess our common sin and turn toward repentance can be a powerful practice used by God to produce much fruit—in individual hearts and the church as a whole.

This work of walking through grief in community has to be rooted in love, empathy and humility. It’s a way that we reflect the incarnating work of Jesus, who took on flesh and entered into our broken world to bring redemption. As we learn to lament together, it can yield closer relationships, unity, and the whole Body being built up in Christ and pointed toward truth. Through listening to and understanding the trials of others as we come alongside them, lament also leads us to compassionate action (Deuteronomy 24:17-22; Hebrews 10:32-34; 2 Corinthians 8:1-5). 

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